I saw a close girl friend (we’ll call her Bean) of mine at a Fourth of July party.  It’d been the first we’d seen of each other in a few weeks (or maybe even months).  She relayed to me this story of being at a bar seeing her ex-beau and close friend play with his band, chatting with the friend-with-benefit of another band mates.  (The below, kind of paraphrased.  I’d had 2 margaritas by this point.)

Bean: That’s when I found out she was 19. And she said to me, “I want to be like you when I grow up.”  What she means is, “When I get OLD, I want to be like you and party all the time as an old woman.”  My shirt is older than her.  I’m freaking out about how I’m going to turn 40 next year.

Me: Well, you have to think though– girls in our generation (me & the 19 year old) don’t see 40 as old.  We grew up in a generation idolizing Carrie Bradshaw, who at her peak was like 35, didn’t get married until she was like 40!  I’ve been waiting half my life to be 32, because I know it’s going to be awesome.

Bean: See, I didn’t grow up with that.  I grew up where turning 40 meant wearing khakis and boring clothes, having a job you didn’t like, hauling kids around. 

And I think to myself–wow, I grew up lucky. As I turn 28 this week (only 4 years from glorious 32!), I think of how I spent most of my teen years watching SatC (and many New Year’s Eve spent eating Chinese food with my mom and Mallory having a marathon). These great formative years were spent watching a show about fierce, independent women: it was okay to still be seeking love.  It was okay to still have standards (and hell, to continually raise them!).  It was okay to think about–and take care of– yourself first.  They held on to their sense of selves (and sense of style!)– and it only got better with age.  They had fun, they loved openly, embraced each other (faults and all), and made damn sure that the women of America knew it was okay to love your 30s.  And your 40s.

Whether you hate Carrie Bradshaw and the ladies, or not, they’ve helped younger women cope with and embrace aging.  I’ve spent half of my life idolizing my 30s–which, let’s be honest, all of my older girl friends have said have been some of the best times of their life.  It’s strongly due to the fab foursome that I have (along with my fantastic lady friends who tore up their 30s).

So I asked on Twitter: If you’re a 20 or 30-something woman, do you think Carrie & the Girls helped make aging easier?

@MarieDenee: Heheheh! You know what? Yes!!! As I hit 30, I am more excited and can remember the happiness they had… it can be had!

@SuperGlueMom: I’m in my 30s now, but watch S&C in my 20s. Definitely looking forward to my 40s!

@JaKennaMarise: Absolutely. SATC taught me that your 30′s/40′s are pretty much your golden years. But 20′s are pretty awesome too hehe…

@Renovated_Girl: definitely!! Although it does bring on the pressure of having to “have it all” by then since they did. Besides having a steady significant other they had homes, shoe collections,careers and the bestest friends all by 30.

@MrsBossa: SATC has helped me to accept my 30s (and my 40s), and has helped me through several breakups! I still quote it now!  I can’t remember how old I was…but it stunned me still! Hadn’t seen anything like it.

@GunshotGlitter: yes, but we’ll see when I hit 30!

What do you think? Did SatC show you that getting older was fabulous and not to be feared?  And if you’re the same age as the gals– did it put a new spin on life in your 30s or 40s?

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When Beautifully Invisible asked me to participate in her We are Women. We are Beautiful. We are Real. post, I was hopeful that my schedule would allow it (and thankfully, it did!). On Wednesday she shared part 1 and part 2 went live today.  Please stop by and see what 28 women have to say about being a “real woman,” and read my own contribution below!

From a young age, being a woman has been a loaded gun – it meant being put on diets in elementary school to realizing how much power my confidence and sexuality had in undergrad.  There’s an incredible power to being a woman and I think that’s why society tries in every way to make us powerless.  From telling us how we need to look, what we should weigh, what kind of households we “should” have, and how to balance beauty and intelligence – because god forbid in 2011 we’re both.

Sadly, I feel like most women aren’t in a position to receive messages and education on empowerment – and in a blogosphere of outspoken and passionate women, that’s incredibly easy to forget.  When I think about the women I work with, there’s often too much on their daily plates to really THINK about how they’re treating other women or themselves.  They’re too busy trying to get meals cooked, work full-time, get the kids from soccer practice, finish their homework, get good grades, fall in love or stay in love.  In many ways, it’s the biggest way the feminist movement has damned us – it put us in a position of needing to do it all now, and, in the process, providing us with so much that we neglect to think about how we interact and treat our fellow sisters.

The only way to empower all women is through how we act.  Be kind. Share compliments. Offer hugs and support. Work to break stereotypes and celebrate the choices women make in all aspects of life, because we have the ability to make a choice.

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It’s not often I write about celebrity events, the red carpet, and who is wearing what.  Most of the time I can’t be bothered to really care.  With the rise of Joan Rivers, Best & Worst Dressed lists, you began to see an influx of the same at the Emmy’s, Grammy’s, and Golden Globes.  Black cocktail gowns. Pastel colored strapless dresses.  Safety and security in fashion.

The allure of celebrity is the unattainable.  It creates fantasy for the average man and woman living out their lives, a fantasy that doesn’t include oil changes, cleaning up dog poop, paying bills, and finding time to balance life and work.  This is a life that we can’t have (even when  celebrities share similar day-to-day activities) and that they won’t have. I think that allure is particularly strong for women.

The Met Ball is another story though.  The Met Ball represents a time when celebrities, on the red carpet, continue to carry out the fantasy that is their lives.  It’s not another instance of I’m a celebrity; I’m pretty. It’s a time when they don’t fantasize about worst dress lists, but revel in the opportunity to costume themselves, revel in designer wares, and share their fantastical sides.  Sure–they may still be in couture, and may still be perfectly and beautifully coiffed.  But it’s still the rare opportunity for them to take a chance.

It’s a chance to see Christina Ricci looking like a beautiful spider woman or Beyonce looking like a glorious Rococo vase.  It’s a chance to see an Olsen twin looking like 80s Barbie after the prom, or a Dynasty woman on the prowl.  It’s a chance for young women like Dakota Fanning to show up looking as young and fresh as the flower bed she rolled out of while necking a wood nymph, Iman Chanel paying homage to a studio decades before her time, or Blake Lively wearing… well, nearly nothing.  But we’re okay with that, because my god Blake Lively is a babe, and she’s a mermaid tangled in bouquets of seaweed.

And sweet Taylor Swift, it’s even a chance for her to channel her secret obsession with Helena Bonham Carter, all while looking pretty, poised and homecoming fresh!

With the staggering lines and attendance at the Alexander McQueen visit at the Met Museum of Art, people want fantasy in fashion.  I want  AND EXPECT celebrities to carry that out– and not just Daphne Guiness and Lady Gaga. When I see red carpets, I want to envision each actress has created her own character for the night, an alternate persona for herself, and she’s in the role she’s created for herself.

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Images from The Daily Mail

ItsJoelle linked to an interesting discussion on an article from The Daily Mail, “Would YOU Let Your Man Give You a Makeover?” After reading it, there were a few points that came to my mind:

Women at a Certain Point of Their Life:

As we women age, motherhood kicks in, etc., we can lose touch with our bodies (I know I have just from weight gains and losses over the years! I can’t imagine how motherhood would impact that!).  Home, work, and children take precedence over our own personal needs, and we forget how to engage with our bodies.  How it looks, what feels good, how to adjust to gravity, stretch marks, or weight gains and losses.  Since becoming a mother I’ve dressed for comfort. Everything ends up filthy by the end of the day so there’s no point in wearing anything special.

I wouldn’t dress like this every day, but I have now decided to make more effort with my clothes.

I was thinner when I met Mike and I do worry he thinks I’ve let myself go — although he would never say so.

Since becoming a mother I’ve dressed for comfort. Everything ends up filthy by the end of the day so there’s no point in wearing anything special.

In that, I think our partners can be HUGELY instrumental in our lives.  When we lose touch with our bodies, lose perspective, or gain a clouded vision on how we perceive ourselves, our partners often see us as we are.  They may gently say we’ve gained a few too many pounds, or they’ll tell us when our size 8, 18, or 28 bodies look good in that fitted dress.

Which leads me to….

It’s EASY to Dismiss Our Partners:

At a certain point in our relationships, we dismiss the opinions of our partners.  Why? Because they’re men*?  Isn’t that a bit sexist of us, to assume that they’d automatically put us in something “cleavage enhancing,” or a “barmaid” costume? That’d be like assuming a man would be afraid you’d put him in a speedo or a fireman costume because you like the Olympic swim team or have the NYFD calendar.

Do we dismiss them because they’re in a relationship with us? That makes me ask–isn’t that a bit self-defeating to be in a relationship with someone whose opinions you’d dismiss?

In many of these couples, I see that women have lost touch with their bodies and perhaps have put it on the back burner.  Our partners though, they love us.  They see the best in us (and fight the worst in us).  So why wouldn’t they want us to feel our best all of the time?  I can’t imagine it’s easy for a partner to see their girlfriend or wife, who they love–find beautiful, sexy, staggeringly radiant– let herself go because she doesn’t feel she’s worth it anymore.  It must be frustrating to see your wife spend all the time on the children, and to see her let go of the pleasure she once had in her personal style.  Our partners can be a great reminder of all that’s great about ourselves when we forget it.

The Conflict of Personal Style:

Each person has their own individual style.  Within that, and within relationships, I think it’s up to each couple to decide how–or if–their partner has any say in what they wear.

What do you in a situation like that? If it were me, I might dress specially for my partner’s preferences on special occasions, while maintaining my own style during regular life.  This is a personal preference for each couple to make though– your partner may love your style for all that it is, exactly as it is.  Mine couldn’t care less most of the time.

While I love and respect the Beau’s opinions on what I wear, if I GENUINELY love something and he hates it?  He’s shit out of luck.  It goes vice-versa too (trust me, I’ve tried to get rid of this one ridiculous red & black tribal Hot Topic shirt he has… to no avail).

In the last story, I felt bad.  Because it was simply a conflict in personal styles.  Their relationship, reaction, and stories were quite different from the other three presented. (Though I do admit, I thought she looked fantastic!)

What do you think? Have you gone through a phase of letting yourself go? (I know I’m in one now!)  How has your partner impacted or helped that phase? Do you ever dress with them in mind?

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Fat Tuesday is 1 week away, and my Mardi Gras costume is complete!  I can’t be the one to give it all away before the grand day, so here are some sneak peeks…

I’m so excited to start celebrating the parades and season tomorrow with all of my friends! It’s been a busy semester at work, and some dancing, drinking, fun, and revelry is just what my life is calling for!

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