For all my talk of body image, today I’m really excited to get the perspective of Thomas Fewer, LPC-S, on men’s body image. Thomas is the founder and director of the New Orleans Counseling Center.
Are you always salivating over the Ryans' hot bods? Yeah, maybe me too. Chances are your male friends/boyfriends/husbands notice, too.
Do men have body image issues? Yes, some do. Would they like to discuss them with you? No, most would not. I am a male. I am also a professional counselor. The majority of clients that I’ve seen in my practice have been females. That certainly doesn’t mean that women have more mental health issues than men. It just means that they’re more willing to acknowledge when they need help and then ask for it. This may not be surprising news but, when it comes to body image, men’s reasons for staying silent are a little more complex.
Male reticence on this topic revolves around the need to prove masculinity, avoid shame and not appear vulnerable. Let’s first look at the relationship between body image and masculinity. In our culture to be a man is to be strong. Displaying physical strength is one sure fire way that we, as men, can prove our masculinity to ourselves and others. When we are uncertain of our masculinity we will go to extremes in this area. Compulsive working-out, steroid use and physical aggressiveness can all be ways men cope with unhealthy body images. Weakness, dysfunction or inadequacy of any kind, especially in the physical realm, are not manly virtues. Simple things like going to the doctor for a routine check-up can be seen as potential threats to our perceived virility. This puts men at even greater risk because health problems are allowed to linger on rather than being caught early.
Living up to the ideal male? A male student recently confided in me his desire for Chris Hemsworth's body in Thor (right) and seemed surprised when I thought Hemsworth was, "Too muscular a man."
Shame also plays a large role in the development of body image issues in men. This can sometimes be traced back as far as being teased in the locker room during junior high gym class. It can also be triggered by a fear that we might not “measure up” to other partners that our girlfriend/ wife has been with. The natural aging process itself can also be an immense source of insecurity in men. Oftentimes shame is caused by men comparing ourselves to some imaginary ideal male that we will never be. Regardless of what is at the root, shame remains a powerful force is the male psyche. Steven Krugman states that:
Boys are discouraged from open acknowledgement of doubts, insecurities and fears. Fears of self-disclosure and the secrets of one’s shameful inferiorities- physical, sexual, emotional- breed social and emotional isolation. In their mutual silence about common concerns, they lose the opportunity for social amelioration and modulation of shameful experience.
Basically we become closed off and do not let ourselves become vulnerable to anybody.
If there is a male in your life that you feel has a body image issue I would not recommend trying to address it directly, at least not at first. This is an emotionally charged area that requires a man to to be quite vulnerable to discuss with you. Validation and openness can go a long way.Yes, men do need validation of what you admire about them both mentally and physically. They also need to know that you are open to listen to them if and when they are ready to talk about it. To conclude I would like to leave you with five strategies for attempting to address this issue with the man that you care about:
- When he discusses body-related concerns express interest and then listen.
- Model vulnerability for him by disclosing an insecurity of your own.
- Make non-threatening observations of behavior changes (i.e. “It seems like you’ve been hitting the gym a lot more lately.”)
- Bring it up in the context of a doctor/ counseling visit.
- If his health is seriously at risk due to this issue be more direct.
Thank you, Thomas! To follow up on Thomas’s article, I recently found Defining the New Male Ideal a compelling and worthwhile read as well.
{ 38 comments… read them below or add one }
I always tell Darling how much I love him, belly and all. I did actually dream of someone shaped like him before I ever knew him: tall, broad, with enough padding to balance out my bones. And he’s got these gorgeous eyelashes! I definitely remind him about the eyelashes. And the hair. And the… biased, biased, I know, but he will never feel inferior about his body where I am concerned. Not. One. Bit. Not if I can help him see himself the way I do.
He is, I grant you, very vulnerable for a Western man, and very in-touch with emotion. He also knows that I don’t like (and kind of distrust) the traditionally “hot” guys I see, the white, young, tanned, ripped ones. The ones I have met have been well aware that they sit at the pinnacle of body privilege and have developed nasty attitudes to match. Better imperfect and still human, IMO.
Cassie´s last [type] ..Nana // Emile Zola
I love hearing how you talk about your Darling! And more so that you strive so hard to have him see you as you do. It’s hard for guys to believe that (the Beau is very much the same way).
And every once in a while, you do find a traditionally “hot guy” who doesn’t realize he’s hot… but so many of them really do have a sense of privilege and self-worth derived from their physicality. Which is fine– I’d take a little flawed and kind any day!
Love, to me, means remembering how wonderful we both are. I am always marveling that he doesn’t notice how very lucky I am. I even had a girl at a wedding we went to ask me if I was really getting a ride to the reception with the hot older Brit and I said,”In fact, I get to take him home after.” WIN.
I would love to meet Mister Buff But Unaware. :D
Cassie´s last [type] ..whatnot!
Thanks for sharing; what a great topic. The irony is: I don’t even like bodies like that which makes me believe men might be telling the truth when they say they don’t care about perfect bodies on women, either. All I see when I look at those bodies is hours at the gym and it doesn’t add up to a rich life. Of course, these are actors who do it for a short period but some men are addicted to looking this way and it all stems from insecurity.
For Those About To Shop´s last [type] ..Links I Love: Beauty, Body Image, Teen Week
“I don’t even like bodies like that which makes me believe men might be telling the truth when they say they don’t care about perfect bodies on women, either.” That’s such a good, good point! I don’t know why it’s so hard for women to believe that, but there has to be truth in that– if we can look past it, or have a preference that isn’t the “ideal,” why wouldn’t men be able to? If we really believed they couldn’t, we wouldn’t be giving them a lot of credit!
I’m not gonna lie- I like beefy men. Dating a guy that wore smaller jeans than me was never appealing. I’m a tom boy at heart, and always felt more feminine dating a bigger dude. But I couldn’t agree more about that picture of Chris Hemsworth. (I have no idea who he is, btw). Just like when a woman tries to slim down to an unhealthy weight he looks, well ridiculous. My initial reaction was “Damn he’s hot” but upon further glance something isn’t right. His body looks inflated in relation to the size of his head. His face is more all-American to me, and I bet he’d look even better if he lean vs. puffed up. That said, maybe he needed to bulk up for a role in a movie?
I don’t know- I’m hardly an expert but I find people the most attractive when they just look like the best possible version of themselves. Whether it’s pudgy or pumped, personality and confidence always seal the deal for attractiveness in my book.
Now Alcide on True Blood……
Christy Lorio´s last [type] ..STORYLAND DRESSING! An Interview with Threadbeat
Okay, so first: Garren pointed out that I can’t tell left from right (true story) and Hemsworth is on the Right, Chris Evans on the Left. They both uber beefed up for movie roles (Evans in Captain America, Hemsworth in Thor). Both have other roles where they’re more lean that beefed, and it’s really surprising how much more attractive they seem to be.
And GIRL. You are so tiny, most dudes are beefy compared to you!
“I find people the most attractive when they just look like the best possible version of themselves. Whether it’s pudgy or pumped, personality and confidence always seal the deal for attractiveness in my book.” Here here! I’d also add their healthiest version of themselves. (Which just goes for diet, too. I know so many vegan/vegetarians who look grey all of the time, and think that can’t possibly be healthy either.)
// “I find people the most attractive when they just look like the best possible version of themselves. Whether it’s pudgy or pumped, personality and confidence always seal the deal for attractiveness in my book.” Here here! I’d also add their healthiest version of themselves. (Which just goes for diet, too. I know so many vegan/vegetarians who look grey all of the time, and think that can’t possibly be healthy either.) //
ALL OF THIS. <3 <3 <3
Cassie´s last [type] ..whatnot!
I agree, I am the type of girl who likes a person when they look like their best. Not being over the top in anyway, for example when a guy has muscles up to his neck. Or when a girl wears makeup like a clown. Or even when a person is skinny to their bones, all that unnatural looks disgusting to me.
Such a great piece. My husband, being in the military, is constantly bombarded even more in some ways with the idea of the “perfect male”. I’m not going to lie: he’s a small guy. Taller and slightly heavier than me, but still smaller than what I dated prior to us meeting and what is typically idealized in our culture. But I actually have a “thing” for guys that aren’t super tall/super buff, so it’s not surprising I found him so attractive. ;) lol. He sometimes expresses doubts to me about how he looks compared to all the guys in the movies he watches. Lately it’s been a lot of comments about his hair, but as with the “six pack abs” comments, I always tell him I love him just the way he is! After all: I didn’t marry him just to stick with him while we’re both young and fairly good to look at: I expected us to change and grow older (and wrinkly! ;) together. Perfect isn’t interesting in my book; there was a lot more besides surface beauty that I found attractive. I find though in some ways it’s harder to deal with male image issues than female ones (which I’ve dealt with personally in the past), because it’s buried so deep in them. It’s sad, but more and more I’ve noticed guys making comments akin to women’s “I wish I looked like that, but never could!” that goes on. :/
Casey´s last [type] ..titanic dinner dress progress
“After all: I didn’t marry him just to stick with him while we’re both young and fairly good to look at: I expected us to change and grow older (and wrinkly! ;) together.” — yes! Oh, I love that so much, and it’s so true. (And afterall, we meet our partner’s grandparents. The Beau is going to be just like his grandfather, drive me crazy, and I guess I’m sticking with that ;)
You’re so on the nose about dealing with male body issue and it’s difficulties compared to women’s. We’re really taught to share our issues with our bodies, and that it’s almost a bonding experience and rite of passage. Men don’t receive that. I actually had to outlaw one of our male friends mocking the Beau’s body in our house! I told him, “If you call him fat or anything else, I will kick you out.” So ridiculous!
My hubby now has more issues with body image than I do. I tried to convince him I don’t want the body builder type, but it’s so ingrained in men that this is the ideal. It’s weird but my hubby typically likes to look at petite, thin charm bracelet type women in movies, but I am nothing like that. He loves me for me, thank goodness!
Catherine´s last [type] ..What should I wear . . . to church and an afternoon stroll?
I dislike how the article seems to avoid any blame for WOMEN about this issue. Instead you keep saying that it’s men doing this to ourselves. I don’t think that’s true at all.
I can’t tell you how many times women have criticized me for being skinny. I’ve even been accused of “not being a real man” because of my build. In fact I don’t think I’ve ever been criticized by a MAN for my body. It’s always been women.
I wouldn’t be trying to gain weight if women hadn’t repeatedly made me feel like a loser for the way I look.
Steve– I’ll be happy to pass along your criticism of the article to its author– who is a man. I’m sure Thomas has many reasons that he didn’t bring in the relationship between women’s views on male’s body image in to the article, probably because the topic alone is enough to warrant several posts! I personally saw this post as an introduction to the topic of male body issues– not a doctorate, and not one that was pointing the blame on any one gender in particular.
That being said, I’m happy to hear from men about how the article makes you feel, but I also certainly will not allow it to become an issue to point the blame for ANYONE’S body image on an entire gender.
I don’t think pointing out that women play a huge role in creating the male body image is inappropriate. It’s reality. The fact that you don’t like to hear it is probably why he chose not to include such criticism in the article. His audience is women, and he wants to play to them.
“The fact that you don’t like to hear it is probably why he chose not to include such criticism in the article. His audience is women, and he wants to play to them.”
You may never have been criticized by a male for your body image, but you’re certainly quick to judge and criticize another male.
At no point have I ever said blaming women was inappropriate. I’m completely open to the discussion of women’s roles on male’s body types, but I personally refuse to be blamed because you’ve had a bad experience with women, just like I would not blame you for the bad experiences I’ve had with men in shaping my perceptions of my own body. If you want to have a civil discussion, I am happy to.
Well put Ashe. Blaming women as the sole cause of male body issues is only simplifying a matter which is inherently complex. Clearly Steve has been hurt by more than one female in his life, and that is a sad reality. But blaming women doesn’t solve the problem; if anything it detracts even more from the issue at hand.
The problem is that society has created a specific definition of beauty, one that encompasses only a small fraction of the population. Instead of seeing inherent beauty in each other, we see all the characteristics which would be defined as flaws or as desirable attributes under this unified standard.
Who says a big woman isn’t beautiful? Who says a skinny man can’t be handsome?
And it’s not to say that everyone agrees solely on one hyper-specific standard, but there are certain characteristics of “ideal” beauty that we are pressured to conform to.
The question is, how do we fight these pressures, and that’s what education and open discussion is for, to help answer this complex question. An open discussion however requires an open mind, and when you point the finger and place the blame solely on women you are refusing to helpfully address the issue at hand.
I personally saw this post as an introduction to the topic of male body issues– not a doctorate, and not one that was pointing the blame on any one gender in particular.
If this was meant as an introduction then color me worried. I have to echo SteveS observation of how this article seems to say that male body image issues are created in some sort of male only vacuum.
Also it seems that the writer is going straight to the things that leads to guys clamming up on body image without a look at what triggers the shame he speaks of in this write up. Mind you he’s correct about the shame but it just sounds like guys are simply waking up one morning, decided they aren’t attractive, and then going into a self induced funk.
Danny´s last [type] ..Weekly Mashup Stage 96
You say: “Also it seems that the writer is going straight to the things that leads to guys clamming up on body image without a look at what triggers the shame he speaks of in this write up. Mind you he’s correct about the shame but it just sounds like guys are simply waking up one morning, decided they aren’t attractive, and then going into a self induced funk.”
Thomas, the writer wrote: “This can sometimes be traced back as far as being teased in the locker room during junior high gym class. It can also be triggered by a fear that we might not “measure up” to other partners that our girlfriend/ wife has been with. ”
In my mind, I read that as a quick point saying a) it can often be traced to male interactions with other males during periods of development, like middle school, b) it can be traced to a period when we begin dating and worrying about how our girlfriends perceive us (which would begin in middle school/high school and move in to the present). It’s one very short sentence, yes, but when I read it that was how I interpreted it: here’s two ways it starts.
That, very briefly & quickly, points to two very early systems in a male’s life, one driven by men, and one driven by women, where the issues MAY stem from. There is a LOT that can be said about male body image and issues, where they begin, how they are formed. To try and fit that all in to one post would create something far longer than many people on the internet would read (though if Thomas or another male wanted to create a series of blog posts on male body image, exploring male influence on them and female influences on it and any other issue, I would be happy to run it!).
Since this is, also, a women-focused site, I did ask Thomas to go back and add in the information at the end about how WOMEN could SUPPORT the men in their lives who may be suffering from male body image issues. SteveS is correct in that the post is written for women, but I think he’s wrong to say Thomas avoided placing the blame on women because we didn’t want to hear it though (trust me– my site has a long history of saying things about females we don’t always want to hear or express!).
I do think that Thomas created an introductory post FOR WOMEN about the issue of male body image– because many of women may notice traces of it in our partners, but shrug it off. Women experience body image issues as well, yes, but how we handle it, internalize it, and face it are handled very differently than men. And his goal in this post is to share with women that process, how to be supportive, and hopefully help the men in their lives grown beyond those issues (because Thomas is, again, a counselor, not a gender studies expert).
I appreciate the male feedback on this post– I do. But because it’s a topic personal to many (as a post about my plus-sized body and experiences with male rejections would be to me), it seems like some people are forgetting that not all women have the knowledge and experience of male body issues that a man does (just like all men won’t realize how certain comments impact female body image). I’m sorry that you wish there were more of the exploration of “where shaming begins” in the post, but when Thomas submitted the guest post to me, I could not possibly imagined how males would respond to the piece (frankly, I didn’t think it’d be read outside the few hundred people who read my site!).
That all being said– I am also sorry to hear that you’ve had that experience with women. If you looked at my site, you’d see that I’m a plus-sized woman, so not without my own experiences from men who have certainly made me feel inadequate due to my size. I’ve liked men of all body types, and I’m always saddened to hear of men– and women– who won’t give members of the opposite sex a chance due to body shape and size.
Here here! Hail Mary full of grace.
While I have no reason to doubt all the women here who are proclaiming that they don’t buy into the popular ideal male body image as presented in these images… it’s not really that helpful. I mean, there are plenty of men who don’t buy into Hollywood’s presentation of the idealised female body image. I like to think I’m one of them, but to pipe up and proclaim how I’m Not Part Of The Problem (TM) in a blog post about female body image issues just seems like I’m asking for a cookie at worst, and being unnecessarily self-satisfied at best.
It’s great that girls like you exist, but men struggling with body image issues aren’t generally under the delusion that 100% of women want Chris Evans or Chris Hemsworth or whoever.
“men struggling with body image issues aren’t generally under the delusion that 100% of women want Chris Evans or Chris Hemsworth or whoever.” To be fair– I did chose those images not because they’re who women want, but because they’re who the men in my life have said they want to be! Why they’re choosing those ideals, I don’t know– whether it’s what they think women want or what they personally want. (Like, I want Christina Hendrick’s body, and wanted that long before any male in my life thought she was hot. I knew who she was before them, so I know that desire is mine, if that makes sense as a comparison?)
I wish in my life there were more men who didn’t buy in to Hollywood’s presentation of the idealized female body. I have a significant number of male friends who refuse to give so many women a chance if they don’t fit in to the tiny, super fit, and super thin (and super young) category… and all of these males lament not having a girl friend, being lonely, or how the dating pool is too small! I wish I had more men in my life who fit in to the “I’m Not Part of the Problem” mold :)
“male friends who refuse to give so many women a chance if they don’t fit in to the tiny, super fit, and super thin (and super young) category… and all of these males lament not having a girl friend, being lonely, or how the dating pool is too small!”
I’ve been this guy. I would find myself thinking, “Gah, she’s just not pretty enough” or “Damn, if only she was thinner,” or “I don’t like her posture.”
There were two main reasons for this:
1. I was afraid people would judge me for not having a girlfriend who didn’t meet these unreasonable standards
2. I held myself to the male version of these unreasonable standards. I reasoned, ‘I put so much effort into maintaining my body and my appearance, I want to be with somebody who does the same’. And if they didn’t do that, well, that’s just too bad. Because I’m just as critical of myself as I am of them.
Then I realized I was being completely unreasonable on both counts. I can think of a bunch of girls I regret not going for just for some arbitrary cosmetic reason, and it’s the kind of thing that has me laying awake at night going, ‘Alex, how could you be so stupid?’
I haven’t gone to the gym in awhile, but I keep telling myself I should go. And it’s because I’m afraid people will judge me for being too skinny (I only realized this last night, as a matter of fact). In fact, I’ve judged other men for being too skinny in the past. I feel ashamed about that now.
I guess this just goes to prove the idea that misandry mirrors misogyny. You can actively use one to justify the other. Let’s be clear… even while I was thinking all of the horrible things, everybody agreed that I was one of the good guys. You could have a good conversation about feminism, or racism, or how awful the advertising is for women’s beauty products, or whatever with me. But I still fell into this trap.
This post on the Good Men Project comes to mind: http://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/there-is-no-gender-war/. The standout quote for me was, “Men and women can only be liberated together, or not at all.”
I had an uncomfortable conversation with my band’s bassist a few hours ago, during which he expressed a fervent need to be ripped and muscular, and an arrogant disdain of anyone who’s smaller and weaker than him. He says he’s doing it purely for himself, but also fantasizes about ripping off his shirt and punching the lights out of anyone who looks down their nose at him. He’s the biggest guy in the band, and how does he see us? His tone suggests that of course he’s superior to us, but that’s just the way it is, and he’s benevolently refraining from rubbing our faces in it too much.
Does he feel ashamed of his body? Probably. Hell, I’m lean and lithe but I get self-conscious about how my stomach looks when I sit down or bend over or anything like that.
Maybe he does have body issues – but the fact that he’s projecting them as contempt for anyone smaller and weaker than him quite frankly disgusts me (not to mention that he’s more than a bit sexist). I was bullied quite a lot as a kid for being short, so it hits a sore point for me when someone who I spend 4-8 hours a week playing music with is talking like a playground bully.
I put myself in his shoes. You’re a white male in a country where white males are the apex predators. You are constantly faced with images like this, and every day you look in the mirror and feel fat and pudgy and worthless. I’m a short brown dude who doesn’t even really identify as male, so I can dissociate myself with these images and instead just be disappointed that I don’t see more romantic comedies starring LGBT characters that aren’t white. For him, though, the pressure must be pretty tough to face.
He’s 18, and the rest of us are 22, 22, and 26. Maybe he’ll grow out of it… but even at my worst I was never that bad.
Oy! I hope at 18 he grows out of it, too. It’s possible maybe he’s also feeling insecure about spending so much time around older guys? Like he needs to be tougher to be seen as more of a man, more experience?
Your reflections on him remind me a lot of an old friend my fiance’s was telling me about. They were swim team together in high school, and while most of the guys were a 24″ waist, he was about a 30″ waist. They were all lean, but this one guy wouldn’t let it go that he (my fiance) was bigger than the rest of them. To this day, it still comes up for the boy as a point in his life of body shaming, and he’s nearly 30 now.
I hope your bassist grows out of it, or at any rate, that someone or some incident in his life sheds light on his behavior. It sounds like a lot youthful machismo, and hopefully the continued presence of older, grounded, and non-bullying men will be a good influence on him.
I do love, also, how thoughtful you are about his behavior and what influences he’s receiving versus which you’re receiving. You sound a helluva lot more grounded and insightful, and I truly hope he learns from you during all the time you both spend together rehearsing!
Thank you for being so open in this– it’s really a unique, learning opportunity for me to hear from men, especially ones like you, on male body image, what you experience, and how you handle it.
Miranda:
Well put Ashe. Blaming women as the sole cause of male body issues is only simplifying a matter which is inherently complex. Clearly Steve has been hurt by more than one female in his life, and that is a sad reality. But blaming women doesn’t solve the problem; if anything it detracts even more from the issue at hand.
The problem is that society has created a specific definition of beauty, one that encompasses only a small fraction of the population. Instead of seeing inherent beauty in each other, we see all the characteristics which would be defined as flaws or as desirable attributes under this unified standard.
Who says a big woman isn’t beautiful? Who says a skinny man can’t be handsome?
And it’s not to say that everyone agrees solely on one hyper-specific standard, but there are certain characteristics of “ideal” beauty that we are pressured to conform to.
The question is, how do we fight these pressures, and that’s what education and open discussion is for, to help answer this complex question. An open discussion however requires an open mind, and when you point the finger and place the blame solely on women you are refusing to helpfully address the issue at hand.
I can’t speak for SteveS but think I feel his pain. To me its not a matter of blaming women for male body image issues but rather a matter of people seeming to not hold them responsible for the part they play in it. There is no shortage of talk of holding men responsible for how we participate in the body policing that causes body image issues among women, which I agree with. On the other hand it feels like when people want to talk about male body image issues its as if like I said above males just created this issues in a self-generated vacuum.
If SteveS pain is anything like mine then it probably comes from a lack of true validation. True validation that I’ve been hurt by people. Say all you want about how society has created this and that but at the end of the day its the people that are doing the damage.
I’ll agree that trying to hold women solely responsible is not going to get us anywhere at the same time though tip toeing around the fact that they do contribute to it doesn’t help either.
Danny´s last [type] ..Getting to know you
“True validation that I’ve been hurt by people. Say all you want about how society has created this and that but at the end of the day its the people that are doing the damage.
I’ll agree that trying to hold women solely responsible is not going to get us anywhere at the same time though tip toeing around the fact that they do contribute to it doesn’t help either.”
I absolutely agree with what you’re saying, Danny. Whenever I think about my own personal pains, it’s related to people– not genders.
I can’t help but wonder what the source is of this double-standard, and part of me wonders if it’s not based in where feminism is currently at. I openly admit– I’m not a gender studies person and have no history in women’s studies, but feminism on a whole seems very dis-unified, and I can’t help but feel that the movement isn’t mature enough yet to say, “This is where we are at fault.” If that’s the case, it’s no wonder that the conversation isn’t being had or is receiving such a bad reaction– it can’t agree on it’s own opinions about women, let alone women’s influence on other aspects of life. (Again: no data or source to back me up, but it was my first reaction when I thought, “well, why is this?”)
I can’t help but wonder what the source is of this double-standard, and part of me wonders if it’s not based in where feminism is currently at.
I have my own thoughts on feminism but I’ll just say, “If you can’t say anything nice….”. But I will say that when thinking about my interactions with feminists over the years you may be on to something there.
Danny´s last [type] ..Setting A New Precedent For All Rape Victims
“But I will say that when thinking about my interactions with feminists over the years you may be on to something there.”
That’s why it took me until age 29 to admit that I have feminist feelings at all ;)
Not sure if anyone is still keeping up with this post but I thought this would be a good place to bring up the fact that there is a call for posts related to men and body image coming up soon and if anyone wanted to speak up don’t be scared to talk.
http://goodmenproject.com/the-good-men-project-content-calendar/large-but-not-quite-in-charge-519/
Danny´s last [type] ..Weekly Mashup Stage 100
I know this discussion is dormant but it was a pleasant surprise on an otherwise crappy day (searching on-line for discussions of male body image), so I thought I’d comment.
I’m always refreshed when I see men and women finding some common ground. It’s sad that the ground in this case is tear soaked, but we’re pained regardless, so sharing thoughts is much better than not.
I especially liked the genuine relief a few women expressed at the idea that maybe men are being honest when we say we like lots of bodies that aaren’t “ideal”. It’s also comforting to read women acknowledging that men can have these insecurities. I don’t blame women for my insecurities, but on the few times I’ve broached the subject, I’ve been reminded that I can’t really know about body image issues because I’m male. That has been the conventional wisdom/BS, but it’s always felt invalidating and I think it added to my reluctance to open up.
This was a nice departure. Thank you.
I think that society has created the ideal standards for men to become, but its unrealistic and hard to attain. many males in the media have the desired body, but men should understand that they have personal trainers and have the money to attain that look
I would have to agree with what Christy Lorio has to say. There bodies are ridiculously disproportional. It’s just not normal??????
I never really thought of blaming the female gender for a male’s self image. I think it all comes down to the fact that we all try to live by everybody else’s standards of what “beauty” is. It is also very common to compare yourself to somebody else, I truthfully believe that even if “beauty” was not defined in our society we all would still compare and point out our differences to one another. It isn’t unhealthy to do such a thing, but it becomes unhealthy when you cannot accept yourself and begin to rely on others definition of who YOU are as an individual.
Guys should just worry about being healthy. Some men worry so much about their image that in some cases, going to the gym becomes a routine and soon an obssession. Buff guys are not always the most attractive. All humans have flaws and we can learn to live with them and accept them. One thing that makes people very attractive is having confidence. When one is confident, it shows and attracts attention.
i agree that being over the top is unattractive. Being too muscular or buff and be sometimes really unattractive unless you’re a body builder. Towards women it make-up, if they wear too much it would make them look like a clown. Wearing exaggerated make-up is really an unnatural look and also unattracted.
First, I appreciate the comments made by others, however quite frankly, if a woman implies that she does not care (Or, has little concern) about how a man’s body appears is simply not being truthful. Everything begins with some type of physical attraction. As a female, I definitely do not find attraction to ‘Shlubby’ men who do not take care of themselves and do find the men within this article to be physically attractive. Most women spend a great deal of time taking care of themselves not for others, but for themselves. Men should be held to the same standard and to accept anything less or make excuses that would allow men to be lazy or sloppy with their body image says a great deal about the woman.