Following Your Instincts

Imagine you’re a heroine in a horror film– the house is unusually quiet and something feels wrong. It’s at this point you can do one of two things: follow your gut and remove yourself from the situation or investigate further. Since you’re in a horror film, you’ve made the second choice, and it’s inevitably put you face to face with the monster. This is what builds suspense and horror in film after-all, right?

What if you had followed choice number one though– what if you’d followed your gut?

Don’t you feel lucky that your real life is not a horror film (I know I always am!)? It seems women are extra blessed and have strong guttural instincts. Whether or not we listen to them is another story, but over the years, I feel that I’ve gotten quite good at listening to mine.

via We Heart It

Following Your Gut…. When Meeting New People.

After moving to Bloomington, the Boy and I went shopping with a girl he’d met, as a costume party was coming up and she’d offered to show us the costume stores in town. I made lots of conversation with her, asking questions about her schooling and interests: the Boy had told me a lot about her and I thought she & I could make good friends. I kept getting this funny feeling when with her though– she wouldn’t look me directly in the eyes, acted sheepish or as though she’d been caught.

As she parted ways with us and the Boy and I walked down the street, I turned and asked him, “What’s going on between you two?” The Boy, in all naivete, proclaimed that nothing was. When he broke up with me a month later, she made a move on him that night.

This scenario sticks out in my head years later (and even though he & she are no longer on speaking terms, and the Boy & I are stronger than ever). It’s the first time I consciously remember feeling in my gut strong distrust for a person– and being right about it. During my time in Bloomington, I really learned to listen to my body’s instincts about people. To this day, they’ve only ever been wrong once– and that was when meeting the Boy.

When it comes to people, your spidey sense knows when there’s something wrong. Listen to it, follow it, believe in it. It doesn’t mean you have to be rude to people or avoid them when you’re getting bad vibes off of them…. it just means be cordial and distant whenever you come in contact with them.

Following Your Gut… When Shopping

It’s so easy to get caught up in the adrenaline of shopping with girlfriends (or in a frenzy as 12:00 pm hits and a Gilt sale starts). Sometimes I catch myself questioning my own instincts when it comes to potential purchases– because it may not be there in 20 minutes, because my girlfriends think it looks fabulous on me, or because I’m in the mood to shop. But like when you meet new people, sometimes you pull an item out of the box, put an item on, and…. you just don’t feel it.

Follow that feeling.  Put it back in the box.  Put it back on the hanger. Put it back on the shelf.  Walk away from it.  If you find yourself thinking about it later, than maybe your initial feelings weren’t right.  Go back and try it on later, without 3rd party interference or salesgirls trying to make their commission.  That 2nd viewing will tell you a lot more about your feelings.

Following Your Gut…. In the Workplace

It happens to all of us–we start that new job, and there is the coworker who rubs us the wrong way.  Not because they listen to music loudly or hum on the other side of your cubicle wall.  Not because they smell oddly, either.  Rather, they rub us the wrong way because, like that person we’ve just met above.

Or we’ve just been given an assignment or task, and it doesn’t feel right to do it.  I find this happens in non-profits a lot–I worked with a film festival that had horrible financial accountability; I worked with a performing arts company where they’d “bury” expenditures in accounts when they were out of money in another.  You know what you’re being asked to do is wrong– but how do you stand up to your supervisor?

If you’re bold, you can say, “I’m not comfortable doing that…can you explain to me why we are doing it that way?” (or you can ask it of another coworker who you may feel more comfortable with).  Or if you’re uncomfortable with a coworker, you CAN take it up to a supervisor, manager, or Human Resources director.  Because one thing I’ve found out…. if someone or something is making you uncomfortable, chances are other people feel the same way.  This is your JOB– and companies and the government set up certain guidelines and ethics for a reason– don’t be afraid to use that as an excuse.  Following your gut at work can help you keep your job and earn the respect of your colleagues.

Following Your Gut… In Love

We’ve all been in those situations where it is easy to mix up our heart and our instinct. It was that time when your girlfriends finally stopped telling you to dump the dude, and they finally stopped saying you’re too good for him, because they’re were tired of fighting you on it. Or it’s that time they told you to stop picking up guys at that local dive bar where the music, men, and drinks were cheap and oh-so-good-but-oh-so-bad.

The truth is, in love, no one knows what’s real and true except you and your lover. There’s a time when YOU have to pull your heart aside and say, “Dearest Heart, I know you love him, but are we overlooking something?” That’s when you have to let that feeling in the pit of your stomach take over (perhaps with a bit of friendly advice by your friend, Rationale).

I’ve been in this one. I’ve been in this one for the past 4 years. I’ve made my girlfriends excited and frustrated countless times when I’ve regaled them with a story about what the Boy has done. There have been many times when my Heart has tried to trick me as my Gut and say, “You know, maybe we SHOULD finally give up.” But then my Gut says, “Hey hey hey! Stop doing MY job. You’re supposed to go fawn.” My gut and heart have fought for years on this one– but it seems that my gut feeling may be winning.

It’s hard to let go of our rational selves to listen to part of us that is undefinable and unexplainable.  How do we rationalize, to ourselves and others?–I find that part often scares people more.  But everyone has that instinctual feeling, and everyone has followed it before.  Let go of your fear of explaining things, and listen to yourself more– I know that I have, and while I sometimes questions the decisions I’ve made as a result (giving up jobs in New York City, moving to be with a man), I’ll never give up the experiences that they gave me.  Ultimately, following my gut kept me from confronting any monsters.