Jealousy’s a Green-Eyed Bitch

Via Jeff Harmon Photography

There’s been a lot of hate going around the blogosphere for awhile now. A sudden explosion of confetti and cattiness popped up.  While I’m not sure what planet is in what house, I am certain that communication on the gotten out of control (is it all those Mercury in Retrogrades we’ve had?).

I can’t help but think about one of the many roots of it all:  jealousy, envy, and the Green-Eyed Monster (or Bitch, as the case may be).

I spent most of my youth jealous of Miss Malaprop. She got better grades then me, and she had the opportunity to do cooler things than I did; her family life was more stable, and she was more popular with boys. This feeling lasted through my early 20s and there are still times I feel that way.  It was through the help of older, great friends that I learned that I was special too, and I needed to see that.  We ALL need to see that.

The internet makes it incredibly easy to be jealous and envious of other bloggers– we write about and showcase such small facets of our lives that it becomes very easy to inflate the life and self-worth of someone you’ve never met before.

I don’t believe that envy or jealousy have to be bad things though.  They can be constructive emotions, if we step back from ourselves for a minute and think about what is causing them, if its something we can change, or if it’s something out of our control. 

As I get older, I sometimes find my own insecurities to be a great means of jump starting myself to change something, to make something, to do something other than be jealous. It makes me evaluate my feelings–oftentimes, making me realize that while I may be jealous or envious, that I may not WANT to put the work in to attaining it for myself.

For me, a great example of this is related to body weight and image.  While I may be entirely jealous of Kate Moss’s svelte figure, her now infamous quote, “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels,” reveals a mindset that I have no interest in.  My jealousy dies down– because I don’t want to deny myself delicious foods, spend all of my time working out, or damaging myself emotionally to spend that much time & energy fixated on my weight.  It’ll inspire me to eat better, eat less, and move more, but will remind me that I can utterly enjoy eating experiences as well.  In short, it reminds me that I’m the one coming out ahead…not Kate Moss.

Everything in our lives can be spun for the good.  I can choose to embrace every obstacle, challenge, and negative event in my life.  I can choose to dwell on it (which I often do, trust me), or I can choose to do something about it (which I’m trying to do more).

Extra, Extra Read All About It:

• Jealousy isn’t always an Ugly Emotion at Blogher. This is about the mommy blogging phenom, but there’s lots of useful thoughts about any niche.

I learned that in writing, as in the other creative fields, jealousy is encouraged. Young writers are told to read more than they write, to borrow, to steal and to use another’s style as long as it takes until they find their own voices. Often our own voices come out after failing to copy another, trying on writing styles like we tried on handwriting in the fifth grade. We find our voices, our signatures, by accident. I give you Jackson Pollack. I give you John Irving.

• I’m So Jealous! at Gala Darling.

Jealousy teaches us a lot about ourselves. If we can step back from the emotions flaring up, a more thorough examination of the situation can be a complete revelation.