Image by the beautiful Verhext, she’s always made of magic.
It scares me that every day I see more & more women (and men!) who have given up or are giving up on loving themselves. The notion of making themselves their #1 Priority has slowly melted away to fad diets & fast food, children, neuroses, clean households, overworking themselves, and indulging themselves too little.
It breeds a lot resentment, unhappiness, and sadness in a life that should otherwise be filled with wonder, excitement, and amazement (have you WATCHED the Discovery or History Channel lately? Tell me there’s not a big world to get excited about. I dare you).
I won’t create a list of things I wouldn’t do with the aim of inspiring you. But more and more lately, I’m finding that being a doormat in my own life doesn’t make me happy, nor does it make the important people in my life happy (after all, the fella LIKES it when I challenge him & tell him what I want!).
So here are the ways I remind myself that I get to be the #1 priority in my life, and how I revel in it.
♥ Build yourself a totem and wear it every day. For years I’ve worn a necklace with a unicorn pendant and lightning bolt. It’s been lost, it’s broken, but I won’t part with it. Similarly, I’ve been wanting to build myself a charm bracelet, to include fleur de lises, unicorns, lightning bolts, peacocks– all icons that resonate with me. Whether you wear it in jewelry, as a favorite shirt or scarf, it’s a tattoo or a love note in your purse, have something with you at all times that is the core of you and everything you stand for.
♥ Create a playlist of YOUR songs: songs that resonate deep inside of you. Pick songs that empower you, shake your emotional core, perk you up & make you stand confident. I’ve found that having a playlist of “Ashley Songs” helps me any day of the week- through the mean reds, bright days, and bottles of whiskey depression days.
East End Girl – Cock Sparrer Someday You Will Be Loved – Deathcab For Cutie Candy – Iggy Pop Never Met A Girl Like You Before – Iggy Pop Walk the Line – Johnny Cash Help Me – Joni Mitchell Falling In Love – Lisa Loeb West End Girl – Pet Shop Boys Control – Poe Heat of the Moment – Asia No Regrets – Aesop Rock
Play them loud and proud, and love them, even if you’re not sure why.
♥ Find your safe space. Don’t let others invade it. My electric bill spikes during certain months as I seek comfort in nightly hot baths, and I enjoy them when I want “me” time– the only one allowed in is the kitten. There are parks in the city that I will only visit with the fellow, as he’s content to sit quietly with me and enjoy the sound of the wind and the trees. Find the spaces that bring you a overwhelming ease & contentment. Visit as often as necessary.
♥ Pick a favorite treat, & eat it when you want, without thought about the calories. For me, it’s those little birthday cakes you get in the grocery store bakery. Chocolate, with the sugar filled buttercream frosting. Sometimes I have one as often as once a month, split with the fella, just because we can.
♥ Don’t compromise too much. Being a doormat’s no fun. It’s easy to fall in a habit of “you can choose” with our partners and friends. I’m horrible, HORRIBLE about it. Some days, it really annoys me. So more & more, I try to say, “I don’t want to watch that on TV. I want to watch this. I know you don’t like it, but I watch (SHOW), and I don’t like IT.” It’s a small concession for most of us, and it’s not necessarily a major compromise. But if I received a nickle for everything a gal I knew did it & felt pleased with herself, I could buy a new pair of shoes.
♥ Speaking of shoes… treat yourself first once in a while. It’s easy to get caught up in giving your kids the newest coolest, or buying flowers & dinner for your loved one. But you’re your own loved one, too. So before you buy your beau (or kid!) another new video game, buy yourself that coveted pair of shoes. You deserve it, too, damn it.
♥ Dream Big, Plan Bigger.Don’t forfeit your dreams. Bring those in your life in to them, too. Plan your dreams out. Have imaginary dreams, realistic dreams, small accomplished ones.
Look, I’ve never had a dream in my life
Because a dream is what you wanna do, but still haven’t pursued
I knew what I wanted and did it till it was done
So I’ve been the dream that I wanted to be since day one!
Let’s start a Self-Love Movement! What are you tried & true ways of reminding yourself that you are your own #1 All Star Super Love?
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You’re absolutely right – too many people don’t realize they’re number one.
As for my rituals: I spend time in my room reading by myself. I take myself out for walks/runs/random shopping trips. I am very honest and vocal when I feel I’ve been taken advantage of, and I try to take myself out of situations where that’s an issue.
I love this post. I love the idea of a self-love movement.
Love this. It’s very timely. The importance of staying in touch with a sense of desire and desire-fulfillment, is major. Without knowing what we want, we have no direction. Without fulfilling some of our wants we can lose hope, and slowly, but habitually fade into the background.Life is meant to celebrated as well as nurtured by our hard work.
–My current rituals usually consist of making myself a happy herbivorous meal, taking in lush artistic expressions or creating my own, cuddling with the feline beasties, and… twittering *_^
Interestingly the unicorn is one of my empowering totems also, along with the symbol of the star.
Long live the self love movement!
Shine bright Lady Ashe.
Oh I love this list, especially the wearing of totems, I admit I didn’t make it, but it has sentimental value (a present for my first birthday from my mom) and I wear it all the time.
This is great! I used to have a totem, but gave up on it a while back for, well, not sure. I’m going to fish it out of my closet now though.
This was a very inspirational post. It kind of confirmed to me that I do love myself. I take a lot of baths, I listen to my favorite music to help uplift & celebrate me, & I indulge myself in my favorite things — like cinnamon rolls. :] It was nice to be reminded. Thanks for sharing this!
I’m doing a fleur de lis piece now — maybe you will want to add it to your collection!
this is a timely post.. i’ve been going through some stuff and sometimes i feel like i don’t even know where i am… it’s so important to take time out for things like this.
These are all great! I’m the same about the totem. I’ve worn the t-bar bracelet that my mum bought for me since my 16th birthday, and I have no plans to take it off x
So, so, so true. For me, my talisman is a killer haircut and a pair of heels [though as I get more into yoga, I'm skipping the heels more often].
…and I agree with you about the bath. There’s nothing better. Great post. :-D
*swoon*
i think i love you!
Sadly you are so right – but at least you focused on the ways to get yourself out of that place!!
The last one is my favorite, and for me the most important. Sometimes I feel like I get so caught up in it that I get blind-sided almost, and begin to forget to take care of other parts of me, but I’m trying to be better about that — not just focusing on my dreams of business and world-changing but also taking the time to stretch my body. I took up kickboxing recently, and while it’s a bit spendy to sign up for the monthly gym membership, I’m REALLY loving it and I’m exploring an athletic side of myself I never knew I really had.
The totem is such a seemingly insignificant but important one too. For me I think it’s my octopus earrings. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t feel the same if I try to wear other earrings. I still dream on a regular basis of the octopus/seahorse tattoo I want, which seems crazy that it’s stuck with me for so long after for so many years I’d never really thought I’d ever want a tattoo…
Today was the right time for me to read this. I really needed to read this. I’m thankful.
You’re spot on. It’s easy to get caught up in day-to-day life and forget about the need self-lovin’.
I made a commitment to myself a few years ago:
“Self, do stuff you you like to do.”
It sounds ridiculously simple–and it is–but maybe that’s what makes it so easy to lose sight of the need to do things you enjoy.
beautiful, beautiful, beautiful post and beautifully written! i think i am going to print this out and put it on my refrigerator! :-)
and i also love walk the line by johnny cash! the movie, walk the line, is my favorite also.
so happy to have found your blog through links a la mode!
Ladies, all of your comments are so beautiful & wonderful and make me so happy! I’m glad that so many of you indulge in wearing totems and baths and are good at trying to remind yourself of your importance.
xox
I just completely fell in love with this post. Great tips! :)