Image by Miles Aldridge
Dear Women of the World,
Before you decide to sneak an appraising eye at my outfit, before you decide to have cat’s eyes and judgment, remember this: I WILL see it.
I will catch your not-so-sly once over, and in turn, I will think poorly on you. I will pity you for feeling the need to judge another woman*, for being jealous that you are a sad soccer mom who has resigned herself to no make-up, cargos, and polar fleece, and for not supporting another woman’s choice. I will pity you for not supporting the younger, new woman in the office, at your organization, or in your club, but for mentally casting stones on her for embracing herself, her style, and her age.
Instead of giving me the crooked eye for my tights, why not just turn to me and make a comment on them?
I’m far from perfect when it comes to judging other women, and I’d be a liar if I said I hadn’t given the appraising eye before. I can be a catty bitch. But bad taste is one thing and closed-mindedness is another. I also don’t get caught.
We can all recognize the differences between lack of taste/class and an individual expressing their style. As women, we need to stop beating up on each other, judging one another, and scrutinizing ourselves, especially for something so simple as self expression. Everyone deserves the right to self-expression, especially if it is not conflicting with another person’s life. With the media eating us alive, the sexism that still exists, we need to be kinder to ourselves and our fellow femmes.
Today, compliment a fellow woman. Especially if you found yourself thinking something negative towards her at some point. I’m sure that not only will it surprise her, but will leave her with kind thoughts of you and herself.
As for me, I will continue to enjoy my textured tights that bore the scrutiny, and be glad that there is a faux beau at home anxious to see them.
* This does not include judgments passed at the bar and/or club. All is fair game there.
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
I give the once over but usually because I am looking to see if there is something I want to wear that she is wearing and I need to ask about it!
: )
@Princess Poochie – I get caught doing that ALL of the time, especially with an intern who works here! It’s not unusual for me to roll out of my cube to see what she’s wearing (and then I worry she’ll think I’m checking her out… which I guess I am!)
Textured tights are cute, as long as you don’t wear ‘em as pants and show your lady bits :)
I am ususlly mezmerized by the strange and unusual. “I, myself am strange and unusual.” -Lydia from Beetlejuice. My wardrobe for winter is so sad looking that I long to see people wearing thinks i would never think of or never dare wear myself. I fact while I was on vaction I was riding a ferry and this girl had AMAZING style. I went over to tell her despite Hubby’s protest for talking to strangers. Her make-up was amazing colors, so a wrote down the Limecrimemakeup url for her. She put it write in her purse looking excited!
I try to make a point of complimenting at least one woman per day. Since I ride the bus and walk three blocks to the office during rush hour, I pass by a lot of women. From heavier ladies in perfectly-fitted jeans to a little rail in something totally architectural, EVERYONE needs some positive feedback now and then. And most of us don’t get it.
Besides, to see these women’s faces go from concerned (“Oh god, that girl is coming toward me, looking at my weird shirt”) to ecstatic (“She likes it!”) is totally worth it.
Very well said :) I get the appraising eye from some of the older women at work from time to time, usually when I show up in something sequinned, or decide to wear red lipstick that day. There seems to be a big stigma in my office against making an effort with how we dress, but I find I work better when I have done.
There’s one girl in my office though who always looks amazing, yet she wears clothes that wouldn’t look out of place on someone’s gran. They just seem to work on her, and whilst some people give her stick for her Laura Ashley-style prints and wooly cardis, I’ve told her several times before that I think she looks awesome.
yes women do need to be nicer to each other! one wired/funny thing I’ve realized is that when you meet a new girl the fastest way to get on the “right foot” with her is giving her a compliment.
i hear you sister and totally agree! i’ve been too many times on the receiving end of a catty comment or judgemental eye. women really should support eachother. the world is tough enough even without that.
If I look at you sideways, it’s because i’m hideously jealous that you look so good!
Gah! What a lovely group of comments, ladies!
@Jennifer Nicole – Love! That’s so wonderful that you get to see the transformation you make in someone’s day…
@Vixel – It’s always interesting to see how the eye works as a generation against generation thing… I wonder if it happens more between generations or within?
@Mothersvea – What a great tip & idea! It’s never crossed my mind before, but I’m going to start being conscious to do so!
@SwanDiamondRose – I definitely agree! I’m going to work on making sure I’m not giving the appraising eye myself.
Oh hey that is an awesome post!! I no longer want to regret not telling someone I think they look amazing! I know for me when I am doing the mean look it’s generally motivated by jealousy & envy which really … I mean grow up!!
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