15 Tips on How to be a Burlesque Superstar!
Posted on | November 3, 2008 | 17 Comments
This post is reproduced with permission from Blood Rhinestone Productions and the authoress, Miss Sydni Deveraux, out of Bothell, Washington. Though I myself am not a burlesque performer, and I have been unfortunate enough to miss any local burlesque, I *do* have enough performance background to know the signs of good and bad performance. Frankly, take a look at these ladies and tell me they don’t look like they know what they’re doing!.
Photography by Bukutgirl
Let’s face it kids. There’s good burlesque and bad burlesque. You’ve seen it. You’ve wanted to ask for your money back. Bad music, boring awkward performers, and girls that look like they just walked off the street and are trying it for the first time….
Not everyone likes the same thing, but here’s a few things that some of my peers and I have discussed.
1. Get a name and make it yours. Make it unique. If you are trying to rip off a more famous performer than yourself with your name, you suck. I’m sorry, but you do. I’m sure you think you’re being clever, or somehow it will make you seem more interesting, but unless you’re an interesting performer, it doesn’t matter what your name is. Also, make sure you can get away with your name. NO ONE but Ultra could pull off that fucking name, because he’s Ultra fabulous. If your name has the word “Sassy” in it, make sure you are!
2. If you decide to be a peeler, please look at yourself from all angles in the mirrors.
♥ Cut off your tags please!
♥ Please gussy up your underwear a bit. Sears panties look bad, and the tinier they are, the better they are! Hottie McNaughty and I were having a conversation the other night about this. She’s not into the thong, but she is into butt cleavage. I’m a big fan of tiny thong underwear. We both agree that there should be some element of risque in your panties.
♥ Wearing a corset every act is boring.
♥ Wearing ruffle butt panties every act is VERY boring
♥ Wearing black fishnets every act is annoying.
♥ You don’t have to have tassels on the pasties. Not twirling? Don’t worry about tassels!
♥ Just because you might be a big girl doesn’t mean you have to wear huge granny panties. For a great reference, please go to YouTube.Com and watch videos of Dirty Martini. I want to do Dirty things to Dirty Martini. She’s simply fabulous.
3. HAVE STAGE PRESENCE!
Sorry, but you can’t buy this. Granted, not everyone has me on their favorite burlesque gal list, but I’ve been told since I was 15 that I had amazing stage presence. And from what I’ve witnessed over the years of being obsessed with watching live performances is that you can’t buy it. You either have it or you don’t. This does not mean that having stage presence will make your act especially interesting unless you make it so. Conversely, I’ve seen amazing dancers have no stage presence, and unfortunately, maybe they should just teach. It’s that French je ne sai quoi thing, ya know?
4. If your going to do the “Classic” strip tease thing, at least be really good at it. I recommend watching videos of Catherine D’Lish, and then perhaps considering giving up altogether. I rarely do “classic” numbers because I can’t take myself that seriously. I would simply start laughing on stage. It’s not my cup of tea, and it may not be yours either.
5. Ladies, please stop with the Cock in the Mouth face (CITM) throughout your whole act. It looks icky. Try smiling! Try closing your mouth! I personally suggest practicing face expressions in the mirror while mimicking your act to the music. This is how you will find out if you are a culprit of CITM.
6. If you are embarrassed to be on stage, we will be embarrassed for you. This makes an awkward situation. If you can’t be fierce when you step on the stage, THEN STAY THE FUCK OFF THE STAGE (Nerves are normal-I have to do funny breathing and talk to myself before I get on stage) . Go take some great classes from some of the greats, like Miss Indigo Blue, do some soul searching as to whether you’ve really found your calling and then stick to your guns.
7. Be courteous. BE ON TIME! Sometimes you have to be late; either prearrange it or have your producer on speed dial. There are a few chronically late performers in this town, and they are fucking with the start times of shows. So be on time! And producers: start punishing.
8. Do your damn hair please. Okay? Thanks. This means brushing, curling, pinning setting etc. Your costume DOES INCLUDE your hair. Invest in quality wigs. I learned that the hard way. Miss Indigo Blue was so good as to point that out to me.
9. MAKEUP: if you aren’t wearing eyelashes, I’m disappointed in you. Actually, a lot of us are. We can’t see your eyes from back here! you look unfinished! If you are uncomfortable wearing makeup, you are in the wrong art form. Perhaps you should consider a different avenue. Take a makeup class. More is *usually* better on stage. Just watch the blush. *shudder*
PS: yes, you do need lipstick and liner. It makes the occasional intentional CITM face look amazing.
Photography by Pavlunka
10. Shoes. Yes…..we are looking at your feet. And some of your shoes are ugly. Chunky heels are a little outdated, depending on the look your going for. Again, if you can’t dance or walk in at least 3″ stilettos, you might be in the wrong line of work.
*this does not include those of you trained dancers that use ballroom or character shoes. I get it, they’re more sturdy for the awesome stuff you’re about to do. -Just remember-rhinestones and appliques can totally go on shoes too. Spice em up!
11. Watch a ton of burlesque. Submerge yourself in it. Swim in it! Breathe it. If you just want to take off your clothes in cute little costumes and have men oogle you, I suggest a trip down to your local strip club on contest night to get it out of your system.
12. You don’t have to have a ton of money to put into your costume (though it is nice). You need to pay attention to how it fits, the tiny touches, the embellishments and the alterations. It’s how it looks, not how much it costs. Unfortunately, I’ve seen some acts that just look cheap. If you’re no good at putting together a costume, hire someone to do it for you. Seriously, it’s better this way.
13. If you can’t get past your body flaws for the 3 minutes you’re on stage, none of us are. If you’re walking on the stage thinking about how chubby you feel, it’s going to show on your face. You’re going to look uncomfortable, and that’s when people are going to go to the bar or grab a cigarette. True story.
Dirty Martini goes out breasts ablazin’…
14. Don’t get hammered before or during your show. I’ve done it before. It ain’t pretty, and you are ripping off the audience. *silently apologizes for some past actions*
15. If you can’t twirl, just don’t. Please.
Thank you, to the lovely ladies at Blood Rhinestone Productions for allowing me to share this thoughtful, honest, and sometimes charmingly shocking list!
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17 Responses to “15 Tips on How to be a Burlesque Superstar!”
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November 4th, 2008 @ 4:05 am
A really brilliant, well-researched article, I like it!
November 4th, 2008 @ 7:12 am
awesome! i think i may take this up!
November 4th, 2008 @ 9:55 am
@Vixel – Those ladies certainly seem to know what they’re doing! I was so pleased they allowed me to re-post their observations.
November 4th, 2008 @ 9:55 am
@jennine – You know you’d make a fantastic burlesque dancer! You have such a playful style and sense of expression…
November 4th, 2008 @ 5:33 pm
I’ve always had a strange fascination with burlesque also. I’ve always wanted to try it/learn it, but there doesn’t seem to be a real following in my area for that (unfortunately).
November 4th, 2008 @ 6:57 pm
Glad you enjoyed the article! We like to *think* we know what we’re talking about. Heh.
Cheers,
~Hots
November 5th, 2008 @ 9:46 am
@Holly – You and me, both, Holly! I think Burlesque seems like a great way to get in touch with your femme and flirty side… but finding a comfortable place to learn and try it can be hard!
@Hottie McNaughty – Hottie, I *definitely* think you ladies know what you’re talking about! Amazingly, a lot of these tips carry over in to regular life as well…
November 6th, 2008 @ 10:43 am
[...] dramatis personae – Blood Rhinestone Productions (a burlesque troupe) shares with us: 15 Tips on How to be a Burlesque Superstar! [...]
November 6th, 2008 @ 11:10 am
Fantastic post, really makes me want to get up and try it! But I think I’d suffer on the not being embarrassed point!
November 6th, 2008 @ 3:09 pm
[...] dramatis personae – Blood Rhinestone Productions (a burlesque troupe) shares with us: 15 Tips on How to be a Burlesque Superstar! [...]
November 7th, 2008 @ 12:20 am
[...] dramatis personae – Blood Rhinestone Productions (a burlesque troupe) shares with us: 15 Tips on How to be a Burlesque Superstar! [...]
November 7th, 2008 @ 2:18 pm
[...] dramatis personae – Blood Rhinestone Productions (a burlesque troupe) shares with us: 15 Tips on How to be a Burlesque Superstar! [...]
November 7th, 2008 @ 5:40 pm
Sydni! I love her! I’ve taken a billion photos of her, if you’d like to see/use them!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/misslindsay/sets/72157600945519238/
She’s one of the best burlesque performers I’ve ever seen – so expressive and talented!
Wonderful post!
xoxoxo.
November 7th, 2008 @ 6:59 pm
@Retro Chick – I’d be worried about feeling shy, too! I bet that troupes have rehearsal times & practices though, so it’s a great way to build your confidence up!
@Miss Elle – Thank you SOOO Much for sharing those fantastic pictures! Sydni is really gorgeous– and it all comes across beautifully in those pictures! I may definitely take you up on using them for a follow-up post I have in mind…
November 10th, 2008 @ 2:36 pm
Ooh, I am dying to see a proper burlesque show…
November 10th, 2008 @ 10:41 pm
[...] dramatis personae – Blood Rhinestone Productions (a burlesque troupe) shares with us: 15 Tips on How to be a Burlesque Superstar! [...]
December 8th, 2008 @ 9:50 am
[...] all of us are ready to be burlesque superstars… maybe you’re shy, have a bit of body-consciousness, or have a moral or religious [...]