Why Being a Heavy-Weight Rocks

On this glorious [and grossly raining] July 4th weekend, I am going to reacquaint myself with a previous fling, but long-time love: Mario Kart

I have a long lasting love with Daisy, the perky and precocious redhead counterpart to Princess Peach; however, on the new Mario Kart, she's the last person to be unlocked.

In the meantime, I've fallen in love with someone new. Someone bold and brash and blonde...

Someone named Rosalina.



Oh Rosalina, how I love thee, and let me count the ways..

You've got a slight sexy Southern drawl, which appeals to my roots. [I spent half of my life living in the Deep South.]

You're not a medium weight gal; you're a HEAVY WEIGHT woman. In my mind, this means you're not comparable to the size 2 coeds I see all the time, but a fiesty and foxy Amazon at 6' tall and a size 12. And I like a video game making a female a heavy weight, in the likes of Donkey Kong, Bowser, and King Boo.

Not only are you a heavy weight, you can knock the shit out of my arch-nemesis, Bowser. Bowser and I have a long standing rivalry, and with you by my side, he never comes in first.

You look jaunty and cute in your little motorcycle outfit.

With you at the wheels, I am learning to defeat the malicious and fear inspiring Rainbow Road, one lap at a time.



Together, Rosalina, you and I can defeat the game. I will be the King of the Lab! No one will be able to break my high scores [no one being the lovely Boy, who has crushed all of my high scores the Game Cube version of Mario Kart, or any of his friends].

YOU AND I ARE UNSTOPPABLE!

Sorry, Daisy. You may not be worth unlocking afterall.